By L Ralliford
Congratulations on your purchase of the Doomsday Package. This package includes the ominous prediction of the planet going into a hard reset. Your package is scheduled to become active in about 20 years: June 1, 2042. During this hard reset, the weather patterns will become extreme, and ½ of the life on the planet will be struggling from a water shortage – this includes a vast number of communities throughout the United States of America. The Midwest will suffer through dust storms in an epic proportion. Millions of Americans, particularly Texans, will be trying to escape the sweltering climate and lack of water.
If you would like to proceed with your doomsday pre-order, all you would have to do is absolutely nothing, and your order will arrive swiftly. Due to the extremity of this order, our company is giving our customers a special Apocalypse Cancelation package. Unfortunately, your factory coverage only covers a fraction (0.01%) of the cost of the restocking fee.
The total restocking fee owed is $6,319.00 per person on the planet or $50.55 Trillion to cover 8 billion human residents. If you decide to proceed with paying the restocking fee, the quality of the earth is estimated to be fully reversed by 2030.
KEY SERVICES COVERED IN THIS RESTOCKING FEE INCLUDE:
Saving the planet from Greenhouse Gases
Ending World Hunger
Ending Global Homelessness
Ending the Current and Potential Water Crisis
PAYMENT OPTIONS
□ $6,319.00: Charged to your account
□ $50.55 Trillion: Charge to your Untrusted Funds account (aka Tax the Rich 23% levy – on a global scale) *
*Note: The rich own about 75% of global wealth, which is $270 Trillion. The act of Taxing the Rich with an additional 23% Emergency Planet Repair Service levy will do very little damage to the elite's lush lifestyle. Still, it will cause a significant impact that will help us win the war against Climate Change. Taxing the Rich 23% of their income for the initial year would raise $62.1 Trillion for the Save the Planet fund. After year one, the wealthy would only have to pay an annual 5% levy to support global restoration and preservation. The annual 5% will generate a $13.5 Trillion budget to help human social structures remain environmentally sustainable and socially just.
NEXT STEPS
Once the restocking fee is paid, the Anti-Doomsday Committee will begin putting the following protocols into action:
Converting all paper products to be Hemp-based instead of Tree-based.
Convert all Urban Developments into self-sustaining ecological developments and cities.
Increase and improve the global public transportation and carpooling/carsharing services. (i.e., ensuring these services are reliable and expanded to all communities that need them).
Decrease single-car travel and non-carpooling lanes.
Create rooftop ecofriendly community vegetable gardens: ensuring that individuals rely on locally grown produce vs. imported items.
Setting up eco-friendly compost systems
Ban eco-hazardous products, like flushable wipes.
Create an External Cost levy on all ecosystem products (i.e., water, wood, minerals, etc.)
Remove commercial farming subsidies.
Regulate CAFOs (Concentrated Animal Feeding Operations) waste management. Develop new ways to break down CAFO waste into an ecofriendly resource, such as bioplastic.
Create global landowner stipends that pay landowners to preserve, restore, and maintain native wildlife and forests.
Retention of Fossil Fuel Plastic Production: there will be a temporary (or permanent) ban on fossil fuel plastic production. Industries will be encouraged to harvest old plastic (from landfills, oceans, etc.) and to reuse these plastic items to create new products. The ban will lift once the five Gyres' Garbage Patches are cleared. (*Note: The Gyres are in The Indian Ocean, North Pacific, South Pacific, North Atlantic, and South Atlantic oceans).
Block International Commercial Farming: farms should be managed by the local community. In addition, native resources would be preserved for local usage before commercial usage. This will stop poorer nations from being over-farmed, a critical factor in global starvation.
Fund the Research Project for dissolving micro-plastic safely.
Regulate mineral mining, particularly lithium and cobalt. Like the retention of plastic production, computer toxic minerals will be encouraged to be reused before seeking additional resources.
The Anti-doomsday committee will conduct a global energy reformation that would result in 90% of Energy being renewable.
It is funding the research project to find an eco-friendly way to break down hazardous waste, such as lithium.
Install strict CAFO regulations on Animal Waste management and develop a process to break down animal waste into valuable resources, like bioplastic.
Establish a Two-Child Policy for households around the world.
Reform the educational system worldwide to ensure that the curriculum is up to date and of high quality across the globe. Every school should have private school quality of education, and students should have a balanced at-home study and in-school academic lifestyle.
Redevelop neighborhoods to have strong local economies, increase jobs in the area, and reduce the distance to travel to work.
Reduce global oil drilling and fracking.
Regulate domestic water pumping – protect the planet's aquifers.
End systematic racist practices found throughout mass media propaganda. For example, the token friend character found in most sitcoms and series (*Note: a token friend is a person of color used to display pseudo diversity on tv shows and movies. Usually, this person of color is the only one of their race and gender. Token Friends are also portrayed as sidekicks whose sole objective is to support their white friends. Another example is the removal of People Magazine, which depicts racially biased images and media in their magazines, which are decorated at every grocery store.
Rehome millions of homeless folks.
Globally provide free mental health, wellness, and dental services.
We have established safe rehabilitation services.
Reform prison systems and the legal industry: provide a fund account for quality public legal services to ensure public defenders and advocates are compensated equally as private law firms.
Diversify neighborhoods on a massive scale.
Imprison the corrupted white-collar crooks. (i.e., Executives of Toys R' Us who bankrupted the company for personal gain) The committee will ensure that everyone of every class and race is processed relatively in the Justice System.
WARNING: once the restocking protocols activate, you will likely receive backlash and threats. The denial causes this side effect to change routines, although these routines are harmful to everyone. The resistance to save the world and save people suffering will be inevitable. You may be condemned, labeled insane, and called anti-Christ because you try to do the right thing.
CONCLUSION
The choice is up to you. You can choose to Save the World or continue to live apathetically until the end of days.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
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LiveScience. 2009. “Save the Planet: Have Fewer Kids.” Livescience.com. August 3, 2009. https://www.livescience.com/9701-save-planet-kids.html.
Loew, Tracy. 2018. “Oregon Bills Seek Nation’s Toughest Dairy Regulations.” Statesman Journal. December 12, 2018. https://www.statesmanjournal.com/story/tech/science/environment/2018/12/12/lost-valley-farm-oregon-bills-toughest-dairy-regulations/2284083002/.
María Gómez-Moreno, Rosa, Joseph Vaughan, and Brian Lamb. 2010. “Modeling Air Quality Impact Potential of a Nearby Concentrated Animal Feeding Operation for Minidoka National Historic Site Performed under Pacific Northwest Cooperative Ecosystem Studies Unit Task Agreement # J8W07090008 Cooperative Agreement # H8W07060001 for National Park Service.” http://depts.washington.edu/pnwcesu/reports/J8W07090008_Final_Report.pdf.
Ovide, Shira. 2020. “Big Tech versus Climate Change.” The New York Times, July 23, 2020, sec. Technology. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/23/technology/big-tech-climate-change.html.
Paddison, Laura. 2021. “Big Tech’s Pro-Climate Rhetoric Is Not Matched by Policy Action, Report Finds.” The Guardian. September 20, 2021. https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2021/sep/20/big-tech-climate-change.
US Energy Information Administration. n.d. “U.S. Energy Information Administration - EIA - Independent Statistics and Analysis.” Www.eia.gov. Accessed June 7, 2022. https://www.eia.gov/state/?sid=WA#tabs-4.